I tend to go for nerdy guys because they have no other competition and are desperate, I know I am a man because I think of them the same way straight guys think of Ramona flowers. However I don’t want to manipulate or change these nerd men unless they’re hateful in any sort of way. I think they should change that. I am truly a personality guy. I love nerds because they are always feeling and passionate, and pretty people never care.
I love how competitive they get too. I would love to go nerd for nerd with them but I never played dnd, I never made custom levels in geometry dash, I never made stop motion videos with stickbots, I never made flip note stick fights but MAN HOW I WANTED TO. My proud area was pencil and paper and that appeals to the mainstream. Even though someone wouldn’t know who I was drawing they would still go “woah, that’s really cool.” Those stickbot guys appealed to just their niche and that’s what I LOVED! They cared! They didn’t do something because they wanted everyone to love them, they did it because they and their little groups of friends thought it was cool. They cared. The only thing stoppping us from being friends was that we had nothing in common, but we were practically the same guy going through a different path.
To all the guys with jackets and hair in a way they do not like, to the guys who talk in a rather ‘intelligent’ manner, to the guys who believe they are ahead of their time, I knew you too well for someone I never spoke to. And I wanted you so bad, I wanted to walk your path and have your mannerisms and have your mind your personality your soul. We said the same thing, we just spoke a different language. I think about the guys like that who I knew in elementary school and how if I had been their friend I might have found out that I’m a guy much sooner, I would have not have been alone, I would have let all the things I was attached to go.
kiss me into the night, until our hands get cold and our legs wont run anymore. until i can no longer find the hunt in my heart to keep on drawing, until my never-ending love and kindness fades away, i hope this gets found by someone who will use it. (carnell :3 but i just wanted 2 sound mysterious) he is so attached to me that i cannot reach him. all we have is the distance, and all i have is the rocking and washing of the sea. my love will not be able to find me because they are too far away, we are much too young, and we both will not have time to be stupid. my brain wants to work harder, my heart wants to cuddle to sleep and my organs demand that they fuck. m body is twisted and nothing matches up. im a transgender freak for goodness sakes. i know my boy loves me but hes just so far. my boy does more than just love me, but i need to keep going. how long am i going to keep hiding until i feel safe telling my parents that i am safe and happy when it's in a way they dont approve of? how long will it take me to finally afford t and feel like my outside is ready to match my inside? how long am i gonna keep thinking of myself? how long will it take me to finally develop a spine and stand up to the hatred, my parents and my physical appearance? i know i look pretty but i realy want to see myself start looking handsome. i want to hear the word 'stud' come out of someone else's mouth in reference to my body, to me. i want that stink, that hair, that gruel and natural thinkness in both my voice and my biceps. to finally be the top. to be saxton hale. or beowulf!
oh well, when this note finally reaches somebody, i hope all of it has happened, and they an look back at the author and see how much of a beautiful tough man he is. Don't give up on yourself August, I Love You. now come and give me a forehead kiss.